Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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