She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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