oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
