Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
either way he was missing a nipple.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize