I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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