Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
