You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
