So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
