my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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