margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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