Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
