I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
