So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
being pregnant is like rehab
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
