a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
