I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
