you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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