Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
