I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
