i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
