i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize