Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize