In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
