it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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