We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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