Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
