...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
