I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
