remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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