You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
