I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
