I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
