Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize