drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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