I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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