i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize