can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
