she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
