awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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