saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
