nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
