Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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