I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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