It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
