I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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