the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
