apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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