Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Who died my cat blue again?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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