and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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