I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize