My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
