just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
