I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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