Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
