Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I intend to get homeless drunk
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
