A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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