i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
