I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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