marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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