went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
