yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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