Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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