i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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