I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize