I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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