Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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