The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
