Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
