And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
