whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
