just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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