help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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