how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
