I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
