I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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