I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
