Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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