Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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