pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
