That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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