He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
