I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize