this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
