i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
