So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
