why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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