someone owes me an orgasm
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
