I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
