No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
