Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
